Monday, July 26, 2010

Monday Notes from The Guam Desk

Been a while since I’ve posted an update from the Guam Desk, so I thought it was once again time to update all on this wonderful thing we like to call “My Life”.

+++ As is usually the case, there are times when the simplest of plans get seriously screwed up and turn into something that you really don’t expect. This is what happened on Saturday afternoon. The Gorgeous One and I had planned on dropping by her aunt’s house to drop off a couple of things, then head back home. The plan was to stay no longer than 30 minutes or so, hit the grocery store and go home. As soon as we arrived, this plan was immediately thrown out the window, as the aunt wanted to cook spaghetti for everyone, and drafted The Bride to make the sauce. Four hours later, we finally left for the house. She could tell that I was getting just a wee bit bored, because while she and her relatives were talking, I basically had nothing to do. Fortunately, the Blackberry has some pretty cool games on it, so I spent the time doing that.

+++ The Gorgeous One and I spent most of Sunday afternoon playing on the computer at home, with me trying to teach her a few things. My wife, who is one of the smartest people I have ever met, has next to no experience with PC’s, so I am trying to bring her up to speed a little bit. We built her Facebook account, and I think the next step in the whole process is teaching her how to do basic word processing.

+++ Speaking of educating the wife, we had another opportunity last night. I am one of the few Protestants that my wife has ever known, so she has almost zero knowledge about Protestants in general. Part of this is my own fault, in that I rarely partake of Communion during church services. Since we have known each other, I have never done Communion at a Catholic Mass. Last night, I felt the need to take Communion. Afterwards, The Gorgeous One asked me if I was baptized Catholic, knowing that I wasn’t. I had to explain that Protestants also do Communion, just not as often as Catholics do, which is at every single Mass. I explained to her that every Protestant church I have ever attended does Communion on average about once a month. One of these days I’m gonna take her to the Lutheran church down the street and have her sit through a non-Catholic service just so she understands it a little better.

+++ I had a pretty good talk with a new friend the other night, and it seems that there may be some new opportunities coming my way in the near future. I’m not going to hold my breath in anticipation, but when I left our little conversation, I felt really good about what the future has in store. More on that later if shit actually happens.

+++ The Bride and I also had to deal with a part of the Government of Guam today, and if anyone ever gets the opportunity to do that, don’t. The place we had to go to was called the Bureau of Vital Statistics and Public Health, and I have to say that it’s a pretty bleak place. Not a lot of happiness in that particular building, especially amongst the employees. She needed a health certificate for her new employer, and we got the usual bullshit runaround when dealing with GovGuam, with a large dose of filing fees thrown on as well.

+++ Another tourist drowned near the reef recently, very close to the place where the wife used to work. What the hell a 69 year old woman was doing out near the reef at 11 PM is beyond me. We usually lose a couple of tourists a year to drowning, because they end up doing something stupid like ignoring the bad currents out near the reef. That or they think they are far, far better swimmers than is actually the case.

That is all ye know & all ye need to know for now from here at the Guam Desk, where the women are strong, the men good looking, and the children are all above average.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Liberation Day, Meat Sickness and Random Shizz

Brief notes on topics that are on my mind……

Body Odor
Got on an elevator the other day with a woman who was clearly having BO issues. We were the only ones in the elevator, & even though I was on the other side of the car, I could clearly smell her nasty ass. Granted, she was dressed fairly well, but that didn’t hide the fact that she reeked. It’s even worse when it’s woman, because my experience with most women is that they don’t have the same problem with BO as men. This woman was clearly having some hygiene issues.

Do people who suffer from excess body odor know that they suffer this affliction? Have some of them not heard about these products known as soap or deodorant, perfume? As the late comedian Red Fox once said, “Ya gots to wash your ass.”

Then there is the other end of the spectrum. The wife and I were in the grocery store the other day, and there was an older lady pushing a cart around who you could also see the fumes coming off of. This foul odor, however, was caused by the fact that it smelled like she had poured a liter of very cheap perfume all over herself. The kind of perfume that young girls sometimes wear when they hit a certain age and discover makeup and other womanly products. You could sense her presence an isle away, almost feel the smell coming off of her. Horrible, horrible. I love the smell of perfume on a woman, but there is such a thing as too much. When The Gorgeous One wears perfume, there is just a hint of it, and it drives me insane, but in a good way. Makes me want to touch her a lot, hold her in my arms and just take in all of the sensations, the good smell, the soft skin, the entire wonderful package.

Liberation Day
Tomorrow is Liberation Day here on Guam. For those of you who are not familiar with it, it’s a holiday where we celebrate the liberation of Guam from the Japanese during World War II. This year marks the 66th anniversary of the liberation of the island. LD is the biggest holiday on Guam, without any doubt. There is a huge parade through Hagatna, the carnival is in full swing at Chamorro Village, and there will be fireworks. People generally camp out on the parade route starting tonight, and there is a lot of BBQ and beer involved. It’s generally a really good time, even if all you do is just walk around and people watch. Since The Gorgeous One and I live less than 50 meters from the parade route, we’ll probably do what we did last year, which was go watch a little of the parade, then head home and hang out. I just came back from Hagatna, and the insanity has already started.

Burnt Meat
Speaking of BBQ, the wife and I had the opportunity to spend Saturday evening at her aunt’s house in Yigo (northern end of the island), where they were celebrating a birthday. Two of the people involved are professional cooks, and there was a lot of awesome BBQ ribs, both pork and beef, involved, as well as a ton of other food. I ate so much that it didn’t take long before I was suffering the ill affects of Meat Sickness. That feeling where you have eaten so much and don’t feel like doing anything that remotely involves movement. So full that your pants don’t fit well, and you hope that by taking a shit it will relieve some of the pressure. Consequently, we ended up taking some leftovers home, and they were almost as good the next day fresh from the microwave.

Employment
It turns out that The Gorgeous One has found some employment, at least part time, and has to go to a meeting next week. The notification came a couple of hours ago, and my mahal seems happy about it. She will be working with her cousin and the job itself is nothing that she can’t handle. I’m happy for her, because she is slowing going insane at home with nothing to do. She’s like me in that neither one of us tolerates boredom very well.

Have a Happy Liberation Day everyone!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Friday Observations - Live from Hagatna

The Mad Man on Guam welcomes you to the blog, sponsored by Marlboro and Starbucks French Roast Coffee. Both sponsors remind you that if you’re gonna have vices, make ‘em good ones.

-+-

The rainy season has started here in the Marianas with a vengeance. For the past couple of months, it’s been really dry, a lot drier than normal. You know it’s dry when the grass crunches underfoot. These last two days it’s as if Mother Nature decided to get caught up in a hurry.

I got a really large dose of rain early Thursday morning, just not in a good way. At 3:30 AM, my phone rings and I’m told that one of our sites has basically fallen off the air. Since I had driven the work truck home that evening, I threw on some clothes and away I went. Naturally, the failed site in question was one that was outside, in an area that is not exactly lit very well. Even though the equipment I was dealing with was low voltage, it’s not a lot of fun to work on electrical gear when you are soaked through to your very soul. My day didn’t get any better, and after 14 hours I was well and truly spent.

-+-

The Gorgeous One will arrive back on Guam next Thursday morning after being off island for 5 months. I have submitted for my last two vacation days of the year (until September) and will spend a nice four day weekend with her. In preparation for her arrival, Sunday is officially designated as “Clean Everything Day”. The apartment; the car; everything. By no means am I dirty by nature, but compared to her standards, I’m a bit of a slob. The kitchen is OK, but the bedroom and the car definitely need some work. I’m also going to try to harvest some of the coconuts that are in the trees near our apartment, so she can have some fresh off the tree juice when she gets here.

-+-

Our weekly Tuesday lottery here on Guam is now up to $30 Million Large Dollars. I’m playing this week, for the simple reason that you can’t win if you don’t play. If I was to hit it, I wouldn’t even bother driving to work to resign. I’d do it by email, and invite all of my closest friends to one big-assed party before I left the island for good.

-+-

I’m expecting some really good news in the next week or so. I can’t divulge what it is exactly, but if it works out, my mental well being will definitely be improved. If you email me or contact me on Facebook, I will let you know what it is.

-+-

Would someone please remind the members of the press that if they keep paying attention to the bullshit coming out of Sarah Palin’s mouth, then she will keep yammering and basking in her own self importance.
While I do find her to be pleasant on the eyes in a middle aged sort of way, she loses me when she opens her mouth.

-+-

I’m still plugging away on the book. I have had a couple of people here read a few chapters, and from the laughter I heard, it appears that I’m right on target. Anyone wanting to read some of the gibberish, feel free to contact me by email at troyinhagatna@gmail.com or on Facebook, and I’ll be happy to email you some of the PDF’ed chapters. And if you were a friend of mine during the period 1982-1987, you’re probably in it.

That’s it for now. Remember the sponsors, so chain smoke and drink a lot of coffee.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The World O Sports

And now, boys & girls, time to take a look at the wacky world of sports from my somewhat skewed perspective. This blog is brought to you by the friendly folks at Starbucks and Marlboro, who remind you that if you’re gonna be addicted to something, make it something good (just not good for you, per se).

Albert Haynesworth/Washington Redskins
This is an individual who plays professional football for a living and signed a $100 Million Dollar contract not very long ago. Now Haynesworth has decided that he doesn't want to participate in any of the activities leading up to the start of football training camp because he doesn't like the direction that the team is going in.

Many of his teammates are calling him selfish. I am calling him an asshole. Last time I checked, football was a team sport, not one based on individual achievement. If he doesn't like the direction the team is going in, let him give up some of those fat Millions that the team gave him and let him move on. If he's not willing to give up the cash, he should show up for the work and shut his bitch-hole. A lot of us who work our asses off in regular jobs don't like the direction that our companies are going in, but we show up for work and give it our all. If we really can't stand it at work, we find another job. Albert Haynesworth is just another prick of a professional athlete who seems to think the world revolves around him, and doesn't realize, understand, or care what the rest of us go through on a daily basis.

Lebron James/Cleveland Cavaliers
Another asshole. The media, especially ESPN, is obsessed with whether or not this guy will re-sign with Cleveland, or go elsewhere. The Cavalier organization makes it sound like the world will stop revolving if he doesn't, and have embarrassed themselves publically to get him back.

If I were the general manager of the team, this whole issue would take exactly one phone call. "Hey Lebron, it's me. You planning on re-signing or not? I need an answer by the end of the week. If I get no answer, then we'll just assume that you and your monstrous ego won't be back for next year, and we'll move on without your ass. Have a nice day".

Note to ESPN: Most of us really don't give a shit about this story, so please give it a rest.

Peter King/Sports Illustrated
I actually used to read his Monday Morning Quarterback posts every Monday, but no more. Another case where the journalist feels that he is bigger than what he's covering. He also made a smart-assed comment about the Who playing the halftime show at the Super Bowl, which, as a devout Who fan, really pissed me off. He’s a hack and nothing more.

The US Open
I’m waiting to see if Mickelsen or Tiger lay the smackdown on Pebble Beach, or if someone else steps up. I really would like to see it come down to Tiger and Phil, because when they’re both playing at their best, no one in golf can touch them.

A side note concerning Tiger. I really don’t give a shit about what’s happening in his personal life. In fact, I’m surprised something like what happened didn’t happen earlier on in his career. I still like to watch him play golf. His personal life is no ones business but his own. That’s pretty much how I feel about any athlete, up to a point.

Brett Favre/Minnesota Vikings
We might as well get ready for another media circus, whether he will retire or not. Another case of “I don’t give a shit” on my part.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Somethings Coming, Something Good

For the life of me, I simply cannot figure it out.

It feels like I am on the cusp of something great. A feeling, deep down inside, that’s telling me that something incredibly awesome, wonderful, life changing, is about to happen in my life. I don’t know WHY I feel this way, but I can’t deny that the feeling is there. Call it a premonition, or call it just a gut instinct, but I just know it’s about to happen, soon.

This feeling has had a rather positive effect on my life in the past couple of days. The things that used to piss me off suddenly don’t really matter all that much anymore. I did something stupid this morning at work, and instead of beating myself up, calling myself an idiot, I actually laughed, smiled, joked with myself about it. This is totally out of character for me, since I am and always have been my own worst critic. Our normal Tuesday morning meetings, which I usually complain about a lot and dread worse than ass surgery without the benefit of anesthetic, was actually fun. I left the meeting smiling, energized to attack the tasks that I had to deal with today. Left work looking forward to going back there in the morning.

Something unbelievable will happen soon. I just have to wait and see what it is.

++

I made myself another one of my mix CD’s this morning, and loaded it into the stereo in my work truck. Since it was a band that I haven’t listened to lately (Journey), it came as a pleasant diversion as I was driving to one of our distant cell sites. Steve Perry and I were rocking out, I was driving well above the speed limit on a great piece of highway, and felt like I owned the world with $26 in my pocket. Funny what music can to do you sometimes when you least expect it. (BTW, the song Lights also works when the bay in question happens to be Hagatna Bay).

+ +

Pork steak cooked in the oven with some instant mashed taters is a great meal. The same leftover pork is even better the next day for dinner. I am beyond full right now from Day 2 of the porky goodness. I’m thinking fish sandwiches for dinner tomorrow night.

+ +

Is it just that the prices here on Guam are high, or did cereal suddenly become a luxury item? I was in the grocery store tonight picking up some milk and happened to walk down the cereal aisle. Seems to me that $5+ is a lot of money for a box of cereal. Then again, I’m kinda on the cheap side. I’m just happy that I don’t have little ones at home who are deep into cereal, because it could get real expensive real quick. (For those of you who are unaware, Frosted Mini-Wheats make a great snack when you’re sitting around watching TV. A little dry, but Diet Pepsi or a flagron of iced tea takes care of that rather well.)

+ +

For anyone who is interested, I’m still writing as a hobby, and have been jamming some pages on my book in the last couple of days. I sat down last night in the hope of just trying to capture some old memories about a certain event that happened nearly 25 years ago. Before I knew it, six pages and two hours had passed, and I was really into it. Anyone wanting to read some of this opus I am working on can email me at troyinhagatna@gmail.com and I will happily email you some pages. Constructive criticism is always greatly appreciated. I have no illusions about becoming the next J.K. Rowling, and I’m mostly writing for my own enjoyment.

+ +

That’s about it from “my city by the bay” here in Hagatna. Later this week I’ll take another stab at pop culture, a little about the status of rock radio for the middle aged, and other topics that strike my fancy or other bodily regions.

Always remember the immortal words of that great rock poet, Mr. Frank Zappa:
“You are what you is”.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Monday Gibberish, Thoughts, and Observations

“It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln

Notes, tidbits of information, and just some of my normal mindless bullshit, for all to enjoy.

++ It has been unbelievably hot lately, even by Guam standards. I haven’t been much on the going out and doing anything on the weekends, other than taking care of the laundry and buying food. Best to stay indoors in the air conditioning, watching TV and reading and playing cards on line. All over the island, the grass is crunchy and brown, and I’m actually looking forward to the rainy season. I want to hear the sounds and feel the perceptible change as a large thunderstorm hits the island, Unlike some folks, I love thunderstorms, and really feel the need for one.

++ I won $43 from Saturday nights Sports Bingo draw. It isn’t much, but its $43 that I didn’t have two days ago, so it’s all good. Tuesday nights’ pot is $18 Million Large American Dollars, and my ticket is already hanging on the freezer door at home. Instead of letting the machine pick the numbers, I have gone ahead and picked my own. These numbers are based on my daughters’ birthday, my wife’s birthday, and a few other factors. We’ll see what happens, but something deep inside is telling me that something truly amazing is going to happen soon.

++ This morning I had what could be characterized as a GREAT meeting, if such things are possible. I won’t go into details, because there are still a few things hanging in the air and I don’t want to screw things up by getting too hopeful. Suffice to say, I left that meeting fairly confident and happy.

++ It feels like a new chapter in my life is getting ready to happen, a chapter filled with good things coming my way. Don’t know why I feel this way, but it’s definitely there, and it’s exciting. The phrase “rife with possibility” comes immediately to mind. For the first time in a very long time, I’m smiling a lot more, and my attitude is positive, hopeful. Like a light deep within me has been turned on and is burning brightly. It is a rare feeling and one that I am relishing.

++ In a little more than two weeks, The Gorgeous One (my beautiful bride) will be returning to Guam, after spending the last 5 months in the Philippines. It has been a rough period for her due to all of the drama she has had to deal with there, and I’m happy that she and I will once again be together. I’ve missed her a lot.

++ My congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks for winning the Stanley Cup. I only got to watch Game 6 because of the time difference, but enjoyed it immensely. Good hockey is always fun to watch.

+ + Last week, I emailed 3 chapters of the book I am attempting to write to my daughter and a friend of mine in Atlanta who happens to be an editor by trade, in the hope that I could get some feedback on the gibberish I have written. One of the chapters was a rather deep look at religion, and the other two were based on some of the mischief I got into while living in Korea in the early 80’s. No feedback yet, but I continue to write, which is the primary reason I haven’t been posting much to this blog recently. If anyone else would like to get copies of some of this stuff emailed to them, feel free to email me and I’ll happily send it to you.

Something to Think About
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

Monday, June 7, 2010

Monday Evening at The Guam Desk

Time once again for another update from The Guam Desk……

Work has literally been kicking my ass for the past two weeks. It seems that as soon as I think I’m getting ahead, something comes up and I am once again pissing against the tide. I worked most of Saturday, only to get called out Saturday afternoon after being at home for a grand total of 30 minutes. Between the actual work that my bosses want me to finish, plus the general health of the network I am in charge of, plus some of the special projects that I want to get done, it seems like it’s never ending.

A little more than 3 weeks until The Gorgeous One comes home, and I cannot wait to see her. Between now and then, I have to engage in some serious apartment cleaning, because if she saw it the way it is now, she will most definitely kill me. She will also be able to go coconut crazy once she arrives here, as the trees in our side yard are full of coconuts. Add that to the neighbor’s mango trees, which he freely lets us take as many as we want, and she will be in fruit heaven.

I haven’t been on line much lately on the social networking, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been busy in my limited free time. I’m continuing to work on my book, and for once the stuff is just flowing out of me. Aside from the true life no-shit stories, I’m also working on some stuff about serious subjects, like religion, homosexuality and other topics. I’m also considering working on a screenplay for a sitcom that is rattling around in my head, just for the general hell of it. If anyone is interested in reading some of the drivel, let me know and I’ll email you some chapters. Outside opinions are always welcome.

Had a lovely dinner the other night at my friend Jerry’s house. Along with Jerry and his lovely wife Gina, our friend Craig and his family stopped by, and my old boss and good friend Nancy showed up as well. One of those evenings where you sit around with good friends, drinking a few cold beers, and enjoying a cool night sitting around in lawn chairs and bullshitting.

It has been exceptionally dry here on Guam for the past couple of months. I think we need a couple of days of soaking rain to kind of level things off a bit.

I have another blog about leadership that I am reluctant to post. The reason for my reluctance is the fact that some people that I work with actually read this blog, and certain people would be grossly offended by what I have to say. That, and there are some rat bastards who would love to make cheese points with the bosses. If any of you are my friends on Myspace, you can look for it there. Better to be safe than unemployed.

For now, that’s it from this lovely island in the Northern Marianas, out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, where the women are strong, the men good looking, and the children are all above average.