My Date With Healh Care

Tuesday morning, I had to once again avail myself of heath care. Now those who know me know that I won’t go see a doctor unless something requires stitching up, a bone is broken, or something seriously bad has happened. Well, what happened on Sunday night was almost seriously bad, so I made an appointment to see Doctor Ed.

For lack of a better term, we’ll call it The Coughing Incident. I have been fighting a cold and bronchitis on and off for the last two weeks, and thought I was getting the better of it. Sunday evening, I laid down to get some sleep and started coughing. And coughing. And coughing. For close to 4 hours, it was pretty much unstoppable. Hard, heavy coughing, the kind that makes the bottom of your stomach hurt. I must have also been running a bit of a fever, because I also sweat through the t-shirt I was wearing, as if I had walked into the shower. To be honest, it was a little scary.

The wife, who believes that I should see a doctor for almost anything, didn’t have to tell me to make an appointment with the good Doctor Ed. I was the first one to call the clinic on Monday morning. That’s what you call a “no brainer”.

My personal physician could be described as a bit of a curmudgeon, but I love the guy to death. He knows that if I make an appointment, it’s not for some bullshit reason to waste his time or worry about some minor ailment. He examined me, and determined that I don’t have pneumonia. I do have really bad bronchitis, with a bit of a cold thrown in for good measure. He knows that I don’t have a problem with drugs, so he laid a prescription for some serious antibiotic firepower on me, along with some cough syrup that is mostly codeine. When I left the clinic, he warned me about the cough syrup, telling me not to plan on using any machinery more complicated than the remote control if I used it. I left his clinic upbeat.

Get home last night, get the typical “I told you that you were sick” lecture from the wife, and proceed to ingest my medicines. Two teaspoonfuls and an hour later, I understood what the doc and the pharmacist meant about the cough syrup. It didn’t make me sleepy or drowsy, but it did make me feel relaxed. Totally relaxed, stress free, no worries. The apartment could have caught fire, and I would have very calmly put my pants on and walked outside. Not buzzed, but happy.

Tomorrow morning, the wife and I get on an airplane and head off for Manila. She has doctor’s appointments next week at St. Luke’s Medical Center, and will more than likely have minor surgery sometime later in the month. Because of my limited vacation time, I can only stay there for 10 days, but the wife plans on staying for at least a month. I’m hoping that the change in scenery and temperature (small that it is) will help the bronchitis. I’m also hoping to be in a stress free environment away from work so I can finally quit smoking. Knowing my in-laws, the stress free part is probably a dream, but a guy can hope.

Something else I have learned recently concerns my wife. I have been married to a Korean woman and am currently married to a Filipina, and have learned that both past and present wives do not know what the term “pack lightly” means. As in “get out the bathroom scale and weigh the luggage and hope we have enough room”. I don’t blame her, but I know it’s gonna be a pain in the ass.

Putting a Theory Into Practice

I have a theory for dealing with those fun people we all have to deal with on a regular basis. You know, the assholes and idiots that we all have to put up with on a regular basis, that make our lives harder than they really need to be.

My theory is this: if you speak to them in total gibberish or with phrases that make no sense in the context of the conversation, then chances are they will leave you alone and avoid dealing with you in the future. My default for these types of conversation are lines from some of my favorite movies and lyrics from Who songs.

There’s a guy in my company that is pretty much loathed by everyone. He believes that the success of the company in contingent on how he does his job, and that everyone else in the company is beneath him in social status. Unfortunately, I had to deal with him recently concerning a project I am working on, and decided to put my theory into practice.

ASSHOLE: Hey, man, I need to talk to you about the project, see where you stand with it.
ME: Excitement. Adventure. A Jedi seeks not these things.
ASSHOLE: What?
ME: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
ASSHOLE: What the hell are you talking about?
ME: These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
ASSHOLE: What is this, some kind of a joke?
ME: Don’t cry, don’t raise your eye, it’s only teenage wasteland.
ASSHOLE: What the hell’s wrong with you?
ME: This morning I woke up and shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I have no idea.

And butt-boy walks away, shaking his head, convinced that I am in fact insane. This is a Good Thing, because it means he will not be seeking my counsel in the near future, and I can get back to taking care of the business at hand.

I love humanity – it’s people I can’t stand.

One of Those Weeks

Been one of “those weeks” so far kidlings.

First off, work is doing its utmost to kick my ass. We have a guy here that we hired as a consultant to try to find some of the problems we have been having on the portion of our network that I am responsible for now. Since we are paying this guy’s company massive dollars, I have been escorting him around to all of our sites to do testing and evaluation work. When I came to work on Monday, it turned out that one of the things we were going to test was, in fact, partially broken. It worked, but not like it should normally. Since the testing the consultant would be doing wouldn’t be valid unless the crap worked at least the way it normally does, I had to come in at midnight Monday night to make repairs, since we cannot do anything that will limit service during the busy hours of the day. The funny part of this was as I was hands deep in some serious electrical components, my bride called me. She dislikes it when I have to work late at night, and just wanted to say hi and see when I would be home. I explained to her that I was hard at work at that very moment, and would be home as fast as humanly possible. Made the repairs and back home two hours later.

Drove all over Guam on Tuesday, and back at work at 2 AM Wednesday morning for more scheduled testing. Back and forth between our main office and one of our remote sites to do the testing, with me ending up back home at 8 AM. After nearly 30 hours of no sleep, I don’t think my head was on the pillow 10 seconds before I was sleeping. Slept all day yesterday, waking up at 5 PM. Since it was my bride’s birthday (she turned 26 again), we contemplated going out for dinner until laziness got the better of both of us. Ended up eating fruit and snacks in bed, watching Filipino TV until I fell back asleep at 10 PM.

I made mention of “bad Filipino dramas” on one of the social networking sites that I frequent, and wanted to expound on that for a minute. We have two Filipino channels at home, GMA Pinoy and TFC. They both carry what are known as “Telenovellas” during the evening, which are basically soap operas. Most of them are fairly entertaining, but one the wife and I watched the other night was just horrible. I forget the name of it, but it stars Kris Aquino (daughter of the late Cory Aquino, ex-president of the Philippines), and it’s just beyond bad. Very predictable story line, so-so acting. Just rotten. The Gorgeous One absolutely hated it, and in my head I was thinking about what the next plot twist would be, only to watch it happen within minutes of thinking it. Kris Aquino should be ashamed of herself for being associated with this piece of shit.

Another weird thing has been the weather. It’s a given that it rains a lot on Guam, but the last three days have been more than that. Light rain with high winds in the 40-60 MPH range. The guy that is doing the consultation work and I were standing under one of our towers at 5 AM the other day, and he made the mistake of saying “It’s windy, but at least it’s not raining anymore”. The words no sooner left his lips than it started to pour again. The rain has let up, but the winds are still gusting in the 30 MPH range.

A week from today, The Gorgeous One and I get on an airplane headed for the Philippines. She has a doctors’ appointment in Manila on February 1, and since the insurance is paying for the hospital, we are going to have them check a couple of other things while we are there. Wifeus Maximus wants to get a PAP smear and a mammogram, and I’m all for getting both done. We also believe that the docs will schedule her for surgery shortly after we arrive there, which is why the wife will be staying there for another month or so after I come back to Guam. The surgery itself is not one of those “cut you wide open” surgeries, but only a step up from outpatient surgery. The Gorgeous One wants to stay there after the surgery, because she feels that she can recover better there where she is surrounded by family. I totally support this plan.

I know she is looking forward to spending some time with her family and getting a couple of things straightened out on the home-front after her recovery. I myself am planning a couple of talks with various members of her family, because some of the things they have been doing lately upsets my wife. Wife upset, me upset. What I will be saying to them will be upsetting to the individuals in question, but at this point, my “give a shit” meter is broken and beyond repair.

While we are there, I’m also going to see if I can’t lay my hands on one of those mouthpieces that is supposed to reduce snoring, figuring I can get it cheaper there than anywhere else.

I hate to admit it, but I’m kind of looking forward to having the apartment to myself for a couple of weeks while the wife is gone. Nothing evil or immoral planned; just peace and quiet, and not having to worry about some of my personal habits that drive the wife insane. Plus I can indulge myself in eating foods that the wife frowns upon, like eating half a pound of bacon in one sitting.

Some guys would be planning illicit sex - I’m planning porky goodness.