I have a theory for dealing with those fun people we all have to deal with on a regular basis. You know, the assholes and idiots that we all have to put up with on a regular basis, that make our lives harder than they really need to be.
My theory is this: if you speak to them in total gibberish or with phrases that make no sense in the context of the conversation, then chances are they will leave you alone and avoid dealing with you in the future. My default for these types of conversation are lines from some of my favorite movies and lyrics from Who songs.
There’s a guy in my company that is pretty much loathed by everyone. He believes that the success of the company in contingent on how he does his job, and that everyone else in the company is beneath him in social status. Unfortunately, I had to deal with him recently concerning a project I am working on, and decided to put my theory into practice.
ASSHOLE: Hey, man, I need to talk to you about the project, see where you stand with it.
ME: Excitement. Adventure. A Jedi seeks not these things.
ASSHOLE: What?
ME: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
ASSHOLE: What the hell are you talking about?
ME: These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
ASSHOLE: What is this, some kind of a joke?
ME: Don’t cry, don’t raise your eye, it’s only teenage wasteland.
ASSHOLE: What the hell’s wrong with you?
ME: This morning I woke up and shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I have no idea.
And butt-boy walks away, shaking his head, convinced that I am in fact insane. This is a Good Thing, because it means he will not be seeking my counsel in the near future, and I can get back to taking care of the business at hand.
I love humanity – it’s people I can’t stand.
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