Hump Day Randomizations

Notes, ponderances, and just general bullshit from my somewhat petulant mind……..

They announced the 2011 inductees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recently. Once again the HOF proves that it truly isn’t a HOF by selecting Bon Jovi and Neil Diamond, while once again forgetting about Rush, Kansas, and several other worthy nominees I could think of. While music, like all art, is subjective, to once again forget about one of the greatest rock bands ever to walk the planet and induct lightweight hair-metal idiots like Bon Jovi just proves that the HOF is no longer relevant and no longer about the rock. Becoming a member has no real meaning whatsoever.

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I had what could charitably be called an “anger management episode” a few days ago. That’s a nice way of saying I exploded, completely losing control of my temper, requiring me to walk circles around the building I work in while chain-smoking Marlboro Reds one right after another for about half an hour. I haven’t been that mad in years, which is something considering all of the shit I went through with my divorce a few years back. I mean I was smoking pissed off. That’s what happens when you play email tag with an idiot who happens to be a micromanager and one of your bosses. It was a good thing he was off island; otherwise I would probably be in jail right now or at least looking for another job, while he would either be in the hospital or the morgue. Yup yup, I was that mad.

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You know that you work too damn hard and are getting older when you and your wife would both rather sleep than get romantic (meaning sex). My poor lovely bride comes home from work so tired that staying awake past 9 PM is nearly impossible, just physically exhausted. I get home and I’m usually dragging ass so badly that all I want to do is plop in front of the TV or lay down beside the bride and read myself to sleep. While we are both very passionate people when it comes to romance and know how to make each other feel really good, sometimes sleep wins easily over sex. Either that, or we’re both getting old.

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Buying another lottery ticket for tomorrow night, just in case. Haven’t played in a while, but think I’ll invest the $8 and see what happens. Ya can’t win if you don’t play, and winning the lottery is about the only chance I have of becoming Oprah Rich anytime soon. I’m not greedy; $2 million would be enough so that I would never have to work again and live in comfort in the Philippines for the rest of my life. I would also be able to take care of the people I love and go visit some people I haven’t seen in a while (my daughter) and people I’ve never met (my grand-daughter and son-in-law).

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One advantage to the wife working where she works is all the leftovers she gets to bring home. Since they are not allowed to store leftovers to reserve to the kidlings at her school, we get a lot of the leftovers. The wife calls the stuff “hospital food” because it’s pretty bland, but you’d be amazed what you can do with a few spices, some butter, and a little imagination. Last night it was mac & cheese, which tasted pretty good after dumping enough salt and pepper on it. The little milks are also great, and saves us a ton of money. Milk is $7 a gallon here, and I have no problem rocking the little 8 ounce cartons she brings home with her.

That is all ye know and all ye need to know, at least for now.

So, as is my custom, I stopped by the ATM closest to my house this morning before heading to work. Today is payday for us, and my normal routine is to stop by the ATM around 6:30 AM and grab some cash, since my paycheck gets posted into my account around 6 AM. This has pretty much been the routine since my arrival here on Guam.

This morning was a little different. I get into the ATM, find out my balance, and am getting ready to pull some cash, when shit goes weird. Suddenly, the machine locks up, and tells me that it’s going to sleep. Huh? I wait a few moments, and the machine reboots, with my card still inside it. I start pushing buttons, but alas my card has been eaten. Another guy comes up and is able to complete his transaction with no problems after the machine has completed the reboot.

I get the bank’s toll-free number on line, explain the situation to them. They tell me that the fastest and easiest way to resolve the situation is for them to send me a new ATM card, which means that it will take 7-10 days before I get a new card. A minor inconvenience, but also not a great way to start a Friday. You would think that this would put me in a foul mood to start the day, but it really didn’t. It meant that I would have to hit the bank later and grab cash, which isn’t exactly a bad thing.

You see, dear readers, the bank that is closest to my workplace has an added benefit, especially if you are male. Nearly all of the staff of this particular bank are women, the majority of which are quite pretty. Since I used to have to go to the actual bank a couple of times a month to send out my spousal support payments, the women there have gotten to know me pretty well, so much so that they will call me by name. It’s kind of a play on the old Cheers theme “a place where everyone knows your name” but in a nice way.

Two of these woman in particular are really nice to me. One of them, Kelly, is in her low 30’s and has pretty much either been pregnant or is recovering from a pregnancy in the entire four years I have been going to the place. She’s one of those women who seem to get pregnant whenever she’s within 30 feet of a naked penis. A very pretty woman, and also quite nice. Really friendly and an absolute pro at her job.

The other lady is what would be considered a “BBW” or Big Beautiful Woman (Amanda). She’s rather large, but in all the right places, with an insanely beautiful face. Every time I see her, my mind remembers the old Jeff Foxworthy joke about what guys sometimes think about when they watch bull-riding on TV: I could ride her but I’d probably end up getting hurt. Amanda’s probably a handful, but in an incredibly awesome way. If both she and I were single, I’d ask her out in a nanosecond.

I went in to the bank this morning, took care of business, telling them about my ATM adventure and chatting for a few moments before hitting the road to do some stuff for my employer. Amanda told me that the machine next to their bank also had been doing the same thing, and she had thought that it was only their location that had the problem.

Now, you might be thinking that it’s bad to flirt with these women, but it’s totally all in fun. All parties involved are married, especially me. I’ve said it before, but I think my wife is the most beautiful woman on the planet, and I would just as soon cut my own genitalia off as cheat on her. Which is, ironically, what would happen if my wife found out I did cheat on her.

With all of that said, while I am married, I’m still a man and not dead. Cheat, no. Look, hell yes.

Like I said, sometimes a minor inconvenience can have a bright spot.

When Weird Takes a Turn for the Better

Sometimes something totally unanticipated and completely stupid can happen that changes your whole outlook about a day. Usually it’s something bad, someone says something horribly stupid or an event pops up out of the blue to throw some bad karma at your ass. Then there are times (and it’s not very often), a good thing will happen, totally out of left field, that makes you change perspective completely, if only for a couple of hours.

This is exactly what happened to me yesterday.

I had just picked up The Wife from her job serving school lunches to the Youth of Guam. Now normally, the drive home is an opportunity for The Gorgeous One to vent about the horrible shit she had to deal with while at work, and I usually just let her rip. I am if nothing else an attentive listener, and since I love to hear her talk, it’s all good for me. Better for her to get it all out of her system than stay inside and fester, which usually results in a scuffle between her and I later in the evening.

There she sat, blabbing away with me hanging on every word, when she happened to make a comment about how the food that they serve is “hospital food that has no taste”. For some strange reason, this struck me as being insanely funny, and I started laughing out loud. Suddenly, the funk I had been living in for the entire week lifted. Gone. Vanished. When I started laughing, she started laughing, and a bad day suddenly turned into a completely different beast.

It was also another reminder (if I needed one) as to why I fell in love with this woman in the first place. There are times when being married really sucks ass, and there are other times when really good shit happens that totally outweigh the minor annoyances. This was one of those moments.

The rest of the day couldn’t have been better. Suddenly, my mood had shifted 180 degrees, and I was happy. Bounced back to work smiling, even when shit got weird again. Drive to the far reaches of the island to check out something minor that maybe a handful of people really care about? No sweat, I’m all over it. Clean up a mess that some inconsiderate asshole left at a cell site? Why certainly, I have no problem at all doing that. Deal with rush-hour traffic and the hordes of people driving HUA (Head Up Ass)? Sounds like fun to me, let’s throw some tunes on and rock out.

(BTW, to those of you who were out and about around 6:15 PM last night and happened to hear a white guy singing along, rather badly, with Bruce Springsteen to some “Thunder Road”, I apologize. I was “in the moment” as it were.)

It continued when the workday ended and I went back home. The Wife and I joked a little more after my arrival. The wife explaining her dinner to me (soft rice with chicken, a.k.a. Filipino comfort food, while I made hash browns and Spam sandwiches, just chitchatting and enjoying each others company. As we both sat in front of the TV’s (me in the living getting my nerd on with Alton Brown on Food Network, The Wife rocking some Endless Love on GMA in the bedroom), I thought that the day was a good one, warts and all.

Funny how life works sometimes.

Rage in the Machine

This week is not starting out well. In fact, the month of September has found me pissed off pretty much all the time. Anger seems to be my normal state, which is pretty unusual for me. Normally, I’m a pretty laid back guy, more or less. I do get upset every now and then, but nothing like this. Can’t remember the last time I got pissed off and stayed pissed off. Usually there are lulls in the anger when I’m having a bad week or month. Little things that pop up to lighten the mood, make me laugh out loud, make me not think about the things that are causing me such frustration. Days will go by when I can’t stop from smiling and feeling lighthearted. People laugh at me when I walk through the hallways at work, singing Who songs off-key with a bounce in my step.

Lately, though, the small bursts of levity that interject themselves have been few and far between. A part of it has to do with one of my bosses, who is driving me absolutely insane and keeps fueling the fire with his micro-management and utter stupidity. Getting calls at 9 PM on a Saturday night and then having to explain to him very basic concepts. Reminding him over and over again about things that were told to him months ago that are now suddenly the most important crisis on the planet.

We have a problem that was created due to poor planning and incredible stupidity by a guy who has since been fired, and who I have more or less taken over for. Every Tuesday morning, I am forced to sit in a meeting, and this problem gets mentioned during these meetings. The managers within my department know about it, and have known about it for some time, and never really acted all that concerned about it. Until now, that it, when suddenly it’s a huge issue that requires all and asundry to drop what they were doing to focus on the problem.

Dropping a dime on him and his ilk with the CEO of the company didn’t help things. In fact, it didn’t get shit accomplished. He was in my departments building the other day, and when he saw me, he made mention of the problem. My first words to him were, “This problem has been going on for 3 years now. I don’t understand why it is now a crisis.” What I soon learned is that my bosses failed to let him know about this problem, as he pretty much had no idea that it was going on.

Now that the problem at hand is now at the Major Crisis Level, my second level boss has decided to revert back to his micro-managing ways, and is basically nitpicking everything to do with the crisis. Top all of this off with the fact that I have to explain the exact nature of the problem by going back to the basic theory behind all of it, explaining shit to him like you would a ten year old, and you can see some of my unqualified frustration. Not only do I have to explain all of this, I have to do so OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Like the motherfucker has a learning disability or something.

Most of the time, I can escape all of this when I get home with the wife, and most of the time she’s able to lift my spirits without really trying very hard. Alas, this has not been the case, as she is also a source of frustration and irritation. It’s a given that wives tend to nitpick a fella. Normally, this doesn’t bother me that much. I just ignore it and go on from there. But her nitpicking has reached a bad level, topped by the fact that she’s on her period. NOTHING I do is right or pleases her. I’ve even heard comments about the way I breathe, for Christ’s sake. Sometimes it’s all I can do to keep from saying, “You don’t like living with me? Can’t deal with all of my issues, both real and imagined? Fine. Pack your shit and get out. I’ll put you on a plane in the next 24 hours, and you can go do whatever you want to do without having to deal with me and all the things you don’t like about me.” I love the woman to death, think she’s the most beautiful creature on the planet, but there are times when she drives me right to the fucking edge.

So, the next time you see me walking down the street and I look like I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder, it’s because I do. Right now, I am one pissed off white boy.

Hygiene for the Dumbfounded

Some notes on a topic that I think we can all relate to. Well, most of us anyway. Some of our fellow members of society apparently don’t have a clue.

Because of my profession, I get to spend a lot of time on elevators, going to the top floors of buildings to work on cell sites. The other day, I was riding up to the top floor of one of the buildings in Hagatna, when a moderately attractive woman boarded the elevator. Being an admirer of the female form, my eyes were naturally drawn to her. A moment later, one of my other senses was also aroused. I couldn’t help but notice that this woman, well, there’s no other way to say this, stunk. In the close confines of an elevator, it was apparent that this somewhat pretty young lady had not spent any time with soap and water in recent days. The smell wasn’t bad enough to gag a maggot, but it was still pretty dire.

Now I can understand that sometimes, we all smell bad. I am by nature a profuse sweater, and take steps to work around this issue, deodorant and a change of shirts always being handy in the event I sweat through my shirt. My question is this: do people who aren’t really good at personal hygiene not know that they’re grossing out the rest of us? And, how do you handle a situation like that, etiquette-wise? “Pardon me, but did you wash your ass today? Your body odor is blasting us over here.”

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Then there is the other side of this particular coin. The wife and I were in the grocery store the other day picking up a few things, when she dispatched me over to the dairy aisle to pick up some eggs. When I rounded the corner, I was nearly knocked to my damn knees by a wall of perfume. It wasn’t that the scent of the perfume was particularly bad. It was obviously some high-end stuff. There was just a LOT of it. The smell in question happened to be coming from a lady who was pushing 70 and wearing more cosmetic products than your average 15 year old girl who is just starting to learn how to use makeup. Either this woman had almost no sense of smell or just didn’t care, but if the smell of her perfume was a sound, it would have been like standing next to a 747 at full takeoff power. I like perfume, and I like it when my wife wears perfume. My wife, however, knows the difference between “just enough” and “too much”. She wears just enough that you notice it, but not enough to cover her natural scent (which I find better than any perfume). Some woman either don’t know the difference between “just enough”, “too much” and “can smell you 10 miles away”, or just don’t give a shit.

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There are actually people in this world in developed countries who, after taking a shit and wiping their butts, don’t wash their hands. This is also beyond disgusting to me. If you’ve been dropping off some kids at the pool, at least have the common fucking courtesy to wash your hands after you get done. Same same for those times you feel the need to masturbate at places other than the privacy of your own home.

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Most of us, I think, know about good personal hygiene and practice it on a regular basis. It’s pretty obvious, just in the few distinctive examples I laid out above, that there are more than a few who have no idea.

As comedian Red Fox once said, “Ya gots ta wash your ass.”

I know what you're probably thinking. "Here he goes again, pissed off about something and off on another tear". You would, in fact, be correct sir.

How hard is it for potential employers to tell you that, while they appreciate your application and interest in actually working for their company, they don't want to hire you? This is something that has come to mind both in the past and recently for the wife and I. You apply for a job, get interviewed, the person interviewing you expresses interest, then..........nothing. If you follow up the interview a few weeks later with an email, it gets ignored. "Sorry, I don't have the time to reply to your email to tell you that we hired someone else for the position."

It would be both courteous and nice if a company who interviews you lets a guy know in a REASONABLE amount of time whether you are still be considered for the position, or if they have gone another direction. I have had companies I have applied with in the past email or call me to tell me, "Hey, we appreciate your interest, but we've hired someone else for the position". When this has happened to me, I say thank you, and move on. Shit happens.

In our recent history, my wife has applied for some jobs, gone in to get interviewed, only to hear nothing back. Or, weeks or months will go by before the HR people at a company will call or email. In the meantime, since the first company didn't contact you, you went out and found another job with another company.

Maybe it's just me, but I think that employers and human resources people who don't at least notify someone that they didn't get selected for a position that they applied for are rude and unprofessional. I don't believe that treating people with respect and a little dignity is such a hard thing to do. Here on Guam, not being notified when you don't get selected for either a follow up interview or an actual job seems to be the rule and not the exception. Like we're supposed to just GUESS when we don't get the follow up phone call.

Enough of the rant. Time for some food and quality time with The Bride.

Fifteen Albums

This particular note/idea has been making its rounds around the Internet in various forms and fashions, and I thought I’d give it a shot.

The rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen albums that you've heard that will always stick with you. List the first fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Leave a comment on the blog, positive, negative or otherwise. If you don’t feel like commenting directly on the blog, leave me a comment when I post the link to this on Facebook.

Who’s Next – The Who
Simply put, the greatest rock album ever recorded. “Baba O’Riley” is amazing and “Won’t Get Fooled Again” is the best eight minutes in the history of recorded sound, let alone recorded music.

Johnny Cash – At Folsom Prison
The Man in Black at his finest.

Led Zeppelin II – Led Zeppelin
My favorite Zep album of all Zep albums.

Just One Night – Eric Clapton
Recorded live in Tokyo with a band that can really jam. Even my mom likes this album.

Permanent Waves – Rush
Hard to pick one Rush album over another, because everything they did from the early 70’s to mid 80’s was fantastic.

Wanted: The Outlaws – Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Jesse Colter, Tom-Paul Glaser
Defined my freshman year of high school. Outlaw country by the people who invented it.

Speechless – Steven Curtis Chapman
One of the greatest Contemporary Christian artists, who can severely rock when he gets a mind to.

Live Bullet – Bob Seger
Another live album, but ranks in the Top 5 live albums of all time.

Greatest Hits – James Taylor
I know, greatest hits album, blah, blah, blah. My go-to when I’m stressing out because the music is just beautiful.

Greetings from Ashbury Park, NJ – Bruce Springsteen
It’s “The Boss” – nuff said.

Occupation: Foole – George Carlin
Still makes me laugh.

The Grand Illusion - Styx
Prog rock, nerd rock, call it what you will. I call it great.

Song for America – Kansas
Because I love me some Kansas, so very much.

Songs From The Big Chair – Tears for Fears
I gave it some heavy rotation in the 80’s and even now it still sounds pretty damn good.

Escape – Journey
One of the most underrated rock bands ever.

There’s the list. It is by no means my “favorite albums of all time” list, but some of the selections would make that list.

Flexing Their Muscles

As some things change at a rapid rate, others definitely don’t.

Once again religious groups are flexing their muscles when it comes to politics. This is especially true here on Guam, where a large section of the population is Catholic. Through the centuries, the Catholic Church has wielded a lot of political clout, and here in the Year of Our Lord 2010, it’s still doing so.

The Archdiocese of Agana has told members of the Catholic community here not to support any candidates who are in support of same sex unions, calling the unions “an intrinsically evil act”. In the past, the archdiocese has also called homosexuality a “culture of self-absorption and death”. It also issued a statement in the past saying that homosexual behavior empowers violent Islamic fundamentalist groups, who “clearly understand” the damage these acts inflict on culture, therefore undermining American war efforts in the Middle East.

So basically they’re saying that gay people are helping out Islamic terrorists. This to me is more than a bit of a stretch. In fact, it’s pretty much fear mongering, especially among those gullible few people who actually believe horseshit like that.

Now, I know that the topic of same-sex unions and same-sex marriages is a touchy subject for a lot of people. There isn’t a whole lot of middle ground on the issue, and every time one of the talking heads on TV brings it a bunch of people to discuss it, it usually gets heated quickly. The issue is spending a lot of time in courts of law lately, and there hasn’t been an election in recent memory where the issue wasn’t raised.

I my own self believe that those who are gay should have the right to get married if they want to, or at the very least, legal unions. I don’t see where two gay people getting married will have any impact on my life, my marriage, or anything else that directly affects me. I do have a few gay and lesbian friends, and why shouldn’t they have the same rights (and especially the benefits) that I as a heterosexual have? The right to have that bond, that commitment between two people that love each other?

In a recent article in the Pacific Daily News, a member of the Guam Legislature pointed out that the Catholic Church could make better use of its time and clout by cleaning its own house, referring to homosexuality and pedophilia within the Catholic Church. I agree with this, because, ironically, it is one of those things that Christ actually taught when he was here on earth (about fixing yourself before you try to fix others).

Now before we go any further, let me state something right up front. I am in no way anti-Catholic. My wife is Catholic, and I attend Mass with her on a regular basis, even though I’m not Catholic. There are some pretty cool things within the Catholic Church if you are willing to look past the dogma and the bullshit that pretty much every religious group is trying to sell or shove up our collective asses.

With that said, I think it’s wrong that the Catholic Church is trying to flex its muscles as it applies to who we should vote for. Politics, like religion, are a very individual thing. People should examine the candidates and decide who they think best represents their interests. The recent posturing by the Catholic Church will directly influence those who believe that the Church is infallible, never makes mistakes, and that the Pope is God’s right-hand man. Their statements will undoubtedly affect those who are unwilling to use their own brains and decide for themselves who to vote for.

Like I said, the more things change, the more they stay the same. It's gone on for centuries and it will continue to go on.