Time once again for a large heaping dose of my personal gibberish, sponsored by Marlboro and Maxwell House Coffee.
+ = +
My vote for “Biggest Asshole in Media” has once again swung. For a long time, I believed that Sarah Palin was one of the most irritating people to ever draw breath. No more, kidlings. Now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Glenn Beck has now replaced Sarah Palin as far as levels of assholish behavior are concerned. At least with Palin, I could always go to my sexist side and think, “Well, she’s a retarded bitch, but I would still have sex with her if I had a chance.” With Beck, there are no options, no “He’s an asshole but he does have this one redeeming quality, so I’ll let him slide.” I would personally love to see Beck get his ass kicked on national television. Now that’s reality TV at its finest.
= + =
Recently on my Facebook page, I posted links to two videos of two bands doing the same exact song. The first was a video of U2 doing a cover of “Won’t Get Fooled Again”, which I followed with a video of The Who doing the exact same song. There are very few, if any, bands that can surpass the original when it comes to great rock compositions, and this comparison is a case in point. Other than The Edge, who is a great and sorely underrated guitarist, the U2 cover blew chunks. I personally thought that Bono should have had the shit kicked out of him for the travesty he made of the song. The rest of the band seemed to be phoning it in as well. The bottom line is this for bands who wish to cover rock and roll classics; make an effort when doing so or don’t even attempt it.
+ = +
This is from the “What Goes Around, Comes Around” Department. For years, I used to punk on people who were addicted to their smart cellular phones. Used to make smart-assed remarks about them, give them a lot of shit when I would see them hunkered down around their phone doing things. I even made comments like “I would only want one of those things if it gave me hot coffee and a blowjob”.
I’ve now had a Blackberry Bold for the better part of a month at the insistence of my boss, and can now understand the attraction. Not only can I check email while sitting on the toilet, it has a ton of other features that I really like. The video camera is first rate for what I would use a video camera for, and I especially like the little voice recorder where I can record notes for later use. It also has a lot of other things that I really love, like the games. For all of you who I used to give shit to for their smart phones, I’m sorry. I’m now one of you. As far as the “hot coffee and blowjob” scenario is concerned, I think that will be in the next generation Iphone.
= + =
And now a look at what I like to call “Completely Retarded Behavior”.
I work for a company that has roughly 250 employees. Every once in a while, if someone gets promoted or there is a policy that The Powers That Are want to put out, an email gets sent out to every employee telling them about it. I have no problem with that because it’s a great way to get information out in a hurry.
What I DO have a problem with are those people who feel that they must share their opinions, however absurd, with everyone in the company. They’ll do a Reply All to the email and spout their bullshit or congratulate whoever got promoted. To me, this just seems like ass-kissing the management, letting them know that they are In The Know.
It would be better if, once they found out someone got promoted, to send that person an email letting the person who got promoted how they feel, instead of the ENTIRE COMPANY. Or, do what I did and find the person and tell them face to face what I thought. It’s a sad thing when people with obviously room temperature IQ’s have access to computer equipment.
+ = +
There should be a rule that, if your waist measurements are larger than your height, you should not be able to purchase fast food, period.
As Dr. Hunter S. Thompson said, “That is all Ye Know and all Ye Need to Know”.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday Notes from The Guam Desk
Been a while since I’ve posted an update from the Guam Desk, so I thought it was once again time to update all on this wonderful thing we like to call “My Life”.
+++ As is usually the case, there are times when the simplest of plans get seriously screwed up and turn into something that you really don’t expect. This is what happened on Saturday afternoon. The Gorgeous One and I had planned on dropping by her aunt’s house to drop off a couple of things, then head back home. The plan was to stay no longer than 30 minutes or so, hit the grocery store and go home. As soon as we arrived, this plan was immediately thrown out the window, as the aunt wanted to cook spaghetti for everyone, and drafted The Bride to make the sauce. Four hours later, we finally left for the house. She could tell that I was getting just a wee bit bored, because while she and her relatives were talking, I basically had nothing to do. Fortunately, the Blackberry has some pretty cool games on it, so I spent the time doing that.
+++ The Gorgeous One and I spent most of Sunday afternoon playing on the computer at home, with me trying to teach her a few things. My wife, who is one of the smartest people I have ever met, has next to no experience with PC’s, so I am trying to bring her up to speed a little bit. We built her Facebook account, and I think the next step in the whole process is teaching her how to do basic word processing.
+++ Speaking of educating the wife, we had another opportunity last night. I am one of the few Protestants that my wife has ever known, so she has almost zero knowledge about Protestants in general. Part of this is my own fault, in that I rarely partake of Communion during church services. Since we have known each other, I have never done Communion at a Catholic Mass. Last night, I felt the need to take Communion. Afterwards, The Gorgeous One asked me if I was baptized Catholic, knowing that I wasn’t. I had to explain that Protestants also do Communion, just not as often as Catholics do, which is at every single Mass. I explained to her that every Protestant church I have ever attended does Communion on average about once a month. One of these days I’m gonna take her to the Lutheran church down the street and have her sit through a non-Catholic service just so she understands it a little better.
+++ I had a pretty good talk with a new friend the other night, and it seems that there may be some new opportunities coming my way in the near future. I’m not going to hold my breath in anticipation, but when I left our little conversation, I felt really good about what the future has in store. More on that later if shit actually happens.
+++ The Bride and I also had to deal with a part of the Government of Guam today, and if anyone ever gets the opportunity to do that, don’t. The place we had to go to was called the Bureau of Vital Statistics and Public Health, and I have to say that it’s a pretty bleak place. Not a lot of happiness in that particular building, especially amongst the employees. She needed a health certificate for her new employer, and we got the usual bullshit runaround when dealing with GovGuam, with a large dose of filing fees thrown on as well.
+++ Another tourist drowned near the reef recently, very close to the place where the wife used to work. What the hell a 69 year old woman was doing out near the reef at 11 PM is beyond me. We usually lose a couple of tourists a year to drowning, because they end up doing something stupid like ignoring the bad currents out near the reef. That or they think they are far, far better swimmers than is actually the case.
That is all ye know & all ye need to know for now from here at the Guam Desk, where the women are strong, the men good looking, and the children are all above average.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
Theodore Roosevelt
+++ As is usually the case, there are times when the simplest of plans get seriously screwed up and turn into something that you really don’t expect. This is what happened on Saturday afternoon. The Gorgeous One and I had planned on dropping by her aunt’s house to drop off a couple of things, then head back home. The plan was to stay no longer than 30 minutes or so, hit the grocery store and go home. As soon as we arrived, this plan was immediately thrown out the window, as the aunt wanted to cook spaghetti for everyone, and drafted The Bride to make the sauce. Four hours later, we finally left for the house. She could tell that I was getting just a wee bit bored, because while she and her relatives were talking, I basically had nothing to do. Fortunately, the Blackberry has some pretty cool games on it, so I spent the time doing that.
+++ The Gorgeous One and I spent most of Sunday afternoon playing on the computer at home, with me trying to teach her a few things. My wife, who is one of the smartest people I have ever met, has next to no experience with PC’s, so I am trying to bring her up to speed a little bit. We built her Facebook account, and I think the next step in the whole process is teaching her how to do basic word processing.
+++ Speaking of educating the wife, we had another opportunity last night. I am one of the few Protestants that my wife has ever known, so she has almost zero knowledge about Protestants in general. Part of this is my own fault, in that I rarely partake of Communion during church services. Since we have known each other, I have never done Communion at a Catholic Mass. Last night, I felt the need to take Communion. Afterwards, The Gorgeous One asked me if I was baptized Catholic, knowing that I wasn’t. I had to explain that Protestants also do Communion, just not as often as Catholics do, which is at every single Mass. I explained to her that every Protestant church I have ever attended does Communion on average about once a month. One of these days I’m gonna take her to the Lutheran church down the street and have her sit through a non-Catholic service just so she understands it a little better.
+++ I had a pretty good talk with a new friend the other night, and it seems that there may be some new opportunities coming my way in the near future. I’m not going to hold my breath in anticipation, but when I left our little conversation, I felt really good about what the future has in store. More on that later if shit actually happens.
+++ The Bride and I also had to deal with a part of the Government of Guam today, and if anyone ever gets the opportunity to do that, don’t. The place we had to go to was called the Bureau of Vital Statistics and Public Health, and I have to say that it’s a pretty bleak place. Not a lot of happiness in that particular building, especially amongst the employees. She needed a health certificate for her new employer, and we got the usual bullshit runaround when dealing with GovGuam, with a large dose of filing fees thrown on as well.
+++ Another tourist drowned near the reef recently, very close to the place where the wife used to work. What the hell a 69 year old woman was doing out near the reef at 11 PM is beyond me. We usually lose a couple of tourists a year to drowning, because they end up doing something stupid like ignoring the bad currents out near the reef. That or they think they are far, far better swimmers than is actually the case.
That is all ye know & all ye need to know for now from here at the Guam Desk, where the women are strong, the men good looking, and the children are all above average.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
Theodore Roosevelt
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Liberation Day, Meat Sickness and Random Shizz
Brief notes on topics that are on my mind……
Body Odor
Got on an elevator the other day with a woman who was clearly having BO issues. We were the only ones in the elevator, & even though I was on the other side of the car, I could clearly smell her nasty ass. Granted, she was dressed fairly well, but that didn’t hide the fact that she reeked. It’s even worse when it’s woman, because my experience with most women is that they don’t have the same problem with BO as men. This woman was clearly having some hygiene issues.
Do people who suffer from excess body odor know that they suffer this affliction? Have some of them not heard about these products known as soap or deodorant, perfume? As the late comedian Red Fox once said, “Ya gots to wash your ass.”
Then there is the other end of the spectrum. The wife and I were in the grocery store the other day, and there was an older lady pushing a cart around who you could also see the fumes coming off of. This foul odor, however, was caused by the fact that it smelled like she had poured a liter of very cheap perfume all over herself. The kind of perfume that young girls sometimes wear when they hit a certain age and discover makeup and other womanly products. You could sense her presence an isle away, almost feel the smell coming off of her. Horrible, horrible. I love the smell of perfume on a woman, but there is such a thing as too much. When The Gorgeous One wears perfume, there is just a hint of it, and it drives me insane, but in a good way. Makes me want to touch her a lot, hold her in my arms and just take in all of the sensations, the good smell, the soft skin, the entire wonderful package.
Liberation Day
Tomorrow is Liberation Day here on Guam. For those of you who are not familiar with it, it’s a holiday where we celebrate the liberation of Guam from the Japanese during World War II. This year marks the 66th anniversary of the liberation of the island. LD is the biggest holiday on Guam, without any doubt. There is a huge parade through Hagatna, the carnival is in full swing at Chamorro Village, and there will be fireworks. People generally camp out on the parade route starting tonight, and there is a lot of BBQ and beer involved. It’s generally a really good time, even if all you do is just walk around and people watch. Since The Gorgeous One and I live less than 50 meters from the parade route, we’ll probably do what we did last year, which was go watch a little of the parade, then head home and hang out. I just came back from Hagatna, and the insanity has already started.
Burnt Meat
Speaking of BBQ, the wife and I had the opportunity to spend Saturday evening at her aunt’s house in Yigo (northern end of the island), where they were celebrating a birthday. Two of the people involved are professional cooks, and there was a lot of awesome BBQ ribs, both pork and beef, involved, as well as a ton of other food. I ate so much that it didn’t take long before I was suffering the ill affects of Meat Sickness. That feeling where you have eaten so much and don’t feel like doing anything that remotely involves movement. So full that your pants don’t fit well, and you hope that by taking a shit it will relieve some of the pressure. Consequently, we ended up taking some leftovers home, and they were almost as good the next day fresh from the microwave.
Employment
It turns out that The Gorgeous One has found some employment, at least part time, and has to go to a meeting next week. The notification came a couple of hours ago, and my mahal seems happy about it. She will be working with her cousin and the job itself is nothing that she can’t handle. I’m happy for her, because she is slowing going insane at home with nothing to do. She’s like me in that neither one of us tolerates boredom very well.
Have a Happy Liberation Day everyone!
Body Odor
Got on an elevator the other day with a woman who was clearly having BO issues. We were the only ones in the elevator, & even though I was on the other side of the car, I could clearly smell her nasty ass. Granted, she was dressed fairly well, but that didn’t hide the fact that she reeked. It’s even worse when it’s woman, because my experience with most women is that they don’t have the same problem with BO as men. This woman was clearly having some hygiene issues.
Do people who suffer from excess body odor know that they suffer this affliction? Have some of them not heard about these products known as soap or deodorant, perfume? As the late comedian Red Fox once said, “Ya gots to wash your ass.”
Then there is the other end of the spectrum. The wife and I were in the grocery store the other day, and there was an older lady pushing a cart around who you could also see the fumes coming off of. This foul odor, however, was caused by the fact that it smelled like she had poured a liter of very cheap perfume all over herself. The kind of perfume that young girls sometimes wear when they hit a certain age and discover makeup and other womanly products. You could sense her presence an isle away, almost feel the smell coming off of her. Horrible, horrible. I love the smell of perfume on a woman, but there is such a thing as too much. When The Gorgeous One wears perfume, there is just a hint of it, and it drives me insane, but in a good way. Makes me want to touch her a lot, hold her in my arms and just take in all of the sensations, the good smell, the soft skin, the entire wonderful package.
Liberation Day
Tomorrow is Liberation Day here on Guam. For those of you who are not familiar with it, it’s a holiday where we celebrate the liberation of Guam from the Japanese during World War II. This year marks the 66th anniversary of the liberation of the island. LD is the biggest holiday on Guam, without any doubt. There is a huge parade through Hagatna, the carnival is in full swing at Chamorro Village, and there will be fireworks. People generally camp out on the parade route starting tonight, and there is a lot of BBQ and beer involved. It’s generally a really good time, even if all you do is just walk around and people watch. Since The Gorgeous One and I live less than 50 meters from the parade route, we’ll probably do what we did last year, which was go watch a little of the parade, then head home and hang out. I just came back from Hagatna, and the insanity has already started.
Burnt Meat
Speaking of BBQ, the wife and I had the opportunity to spend Saturday evening at her aunt’s house in Yigo (northern end of the island), where they were celebrating a birthday. Two of the people involved are professional cooks, and there was a lot of awesome BBQ ribs, both pork and beef, involved, as well as a ton of other food. I ate so much that it didn’t take long before I was suffering the ill affects of Meat Sickness. That feeling where you have eaten so much and don’t feel like doing anything that remotely involves movement. So full that your pants don’t fit well, and you hope that by taking a shit it will relieve some of the pressure. Consequently, we ended up taking some leftovers home, and they were almost as good the next day fresh from the microwave.
Employment
It turns out that The Gorgeous One has found some employment, at least part time, and has to go to a meeting next week. The notification came a couple of hours ago, and my mahal seems happy about it. She will be working with her cousin and the job itself is nothing that she can’t handle. I’m happy for her, because she is slowing going insane at home with nothing to do. She’s like me in that neither one of us tolerates boredom very well.
Have a Happy Liberation Day everyone!
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