This week at work, the annual company Christmas party was THE topic of conversation amongst the employees.
Now normally I avoid these type of gatherings, my aversion to Organized Fun being well known. This year, however, I had planned on taking the wife, for a couple of reasons. I wanted her to meet some of the people I work with, because some of them are actually really cool. The majority of them are married to Filipinas, so she would have someone to talk to. The second was so that she could put faces to names, as to have reference when come home from work and I talk about the assholes who are not cool. Third, since we rarely go out, I thought it would be a great opportunity for us to have a nice dinner, a few drinks, maybe dance a little, and have a little fun. Get a little drunk, come home and maybe get laid, a perfect evening.
The Weirdness set in when a member of the Company Christmas Party Organizing Committee (believe it or not, there is such a thing) blasted out an All Hands email to everyone in the company the other day. The email basically gave us the where’s and when’s of the party, and what would be going on. This email sparked a lot of conversation and some controversy that has yet to die down. For one thing, the Committee scheduled the party on a Sunday evening. This is a huge problem for a lot of people for a lot of reasons. Anyone with kids is not going to want to have them out late the night before a school night. A lot of people (like me) don’t like social events on a Sunday evening, because Sunday is the day we get recharged for the upcoming week. Get our brains prepped for the shit we know we will have to deal with. Laundry gets done, and if you’re a brown bagger, maybe prep some lunch stuff for the week. An evening spent in front of the TV, and go to bed early.
The second part of the Weirdness had to do with the theme of the party. It seems that they decided it would be a masquerade party. The company bought masks for everyone, and it would be MANDATORY that we all wear them. Whenever you lump the word “mandatory” along with what is supposed to be a fun event, trouble usually ensues, and it did this time. Almost immediately, people started talking about this, and between the masks (which I think is one of the stupidest ideas for a Christmas party) and scheduling it on a Sunday, I decided that we would not be going.
The Powers that Be later came back and said that the masks would be optional, but by then the damage was done. We all know what “optional” really means. If you don’t participate, then you’re viewed as a disloyal son-of-a-bitch who doesn’t know where his bread is buttered.
As usual, whenever someone sends out an All-Hands email, someone will invariably do a Reply All, so that everyone in the company can know what they are thinking, no matter how stupid. My friend Mark sent out one that started a whole chain of shit, to the point where the CEO of the company got involved. The CEO didn’t slam him, just picked up the phone to tell him to cool it. I thought his email was, in fact, brilliant. Then there were the apple polishers and asskissers, who had to enlighten us all in email. They seem to believe that this Christmas party will be THE social event on Guam, that the Executives in Charge NEVER made mistakes, and that we should all go and Have Fun.
What I did was simple. The day after the All-Hands email went out, I happened to be in the office of the guy who sent it, and told him point blank what I thought, to his face, in no uncertain terms. Told him that Sunday would be a problem for a lot of people, that the masquerade was the gayest idea for a Christmas party ever, and that the Party Committee never bothered to ask the employees what they thought of the idea before setting it in stone. The guy who sent the email, being a Company Man through and through, couldn’t think of a reply. Since he’s also a bit scared of me (which I like) my point got across.
Now usually these functions are really popular, with the majority of the employees in attendance. As of Friday, only about a third of my department is planning on going, and that number will probably go down even more.
I wanted to go, and if they had scheduled it on a Friday or Saturday night, I would have, masks and all. Now, the only way I’ll go is at gunpoint.
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