We all have people in our lives who fall into both of these categories. The friends are those that we are particularly close to, who know a lot of shit about us as individuals. We know the names of each others’ wives and children, know a lot about where each other has been and what they have done in their lives. These are also people that we trust, knowing that we could tell them anything. People we trust and who trust us, whose opinions actually mean something to us as individuals. We care what they think, and know that our individual opinions are important to them as well. People who could call you at 2 AM in need of something, and you would do whatever was necessary without a second thought.
(And before the question is asked, I’ll answer it. Yes, you can have true friendships with people you meet at online social networking sites like Myspace and Facebook. I have several who fall into this category, and I value their friendship greatly. I trade Christmas cards with them, have spoken to them on the phone, and value their opinions as if they were physically here and we have daily interaction.)
Then there are acquaintances. These are people that we know somewhat, through work or hobbies, church or other social groups. Maybe they’re friends of friends. You’re not particularly close to an acquaintance, in that you probably don’t know a whole lot of details about them. You also know that, while you have to deal with these people at some level, you don’t consider them as friends. Maybe you don’t trust them completely and aren’t willing to share details from your life with them. In fact, some acquaintances turn out to be people that you really don’t like or can barely stand to be around. Usually, we don’t really give a rats ass what they think about anything relatively important. We know enough about them to do whatever is necessary, and don’t really dwell on them all that much.
It gets weird, though, when an acquaintance starts believing that you are their friend. They believe that they have bonded with you on some level that you don’t particularly share, and start treating you differently. Wanting to spend more time with you than you feel comfortable with. Telling you shit that you could care less about. Believing that there is more to the relationship between you and them than you feel actually exists.
This has happened to me recently, and it bothers me a little bit.
On one side of the coin, I kind of feel sorry for the guy in question. This person is not easily likeable at any level, has horrible personal hygiene issues, and believes that his opinion is valued by everyone he happens to cross his path. The reality of it is that people just barely tolerate him, and only communicate with him because it’s absolutely necessary to get things accomplished at work. In other words, he’s a pompous asshole.
Part of me wants to pity the fool. To show a little compassion for someone other than myself. Do some self sacrifice, take one for the team, and be nice to the guy. Be a pal. Reap a little good karma.
The other side of the coin is that inner voice that tells me, “Tell the guy to fuck off. It might be mean, but you have to cruelly stomp on his delusions of friendship before the shit goes too far.”
I’m currently trying the third option, which is avoid the guy like syphilis and hope he can take a hint. So far, this strategy isn’t working very well, but we’re just starting the process and I’m trying to be patient about it.
My friends know me and know that my loyalty to them is beyond question. If you are my friend, you know it without having to be told. While I have a lot of friends, I have very few close friends, and it’s been that way my entire life. Those that do consider me a friend and vice versa, know that there is nothing short of a felony that I wouldn’t do for them, and I feel the same from them without having to be told or have it spelled out.
Has anyone ever had one of these “acquaintance with delusions of friendship” situations, and if so, what did you do about it?
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